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Kids And Self Esteem

How your child feels about who they are, how they look and the way they act can make the difference in the adult they become.  Learn how to identify low self esteem and what to do if your child suffers from it.


The first step in helping your child combat low self esteem is identifying the issue.  There are many problems that come into play when a child suffers from low self esteem and parents and caretakers are the first line of defense.


Here are some symptoms of low self esteem in kids:
•Shyness: A child suffering from low self esteem is overly shy and will avoid meeting new people or facing new situations. Shyness to some extent is acceptable, but if the child refuses to warm up at all, it should be considered a warning sign.
•Insecurity: Low self esteem in children often gives rise to insecurities. An over clingy child is often a sign of low self esteem. By being clingy, a child ensures that a particular parent or a caretaker is always around. That way the child feels protected, and this also ensures that he/she doesn't have to talk to someone else.
•Fear: Unnecessary fears often erupt from low self esteem in children. These children are afraid of trying new things, because they have already assumed that they will fail.
•Procrastination: This is one major attribute that parents can easily observe. Children are known to be very curious when it comes to trying new things and experimenting, but a child with low self esteem will be often seen putting off things for a later time. They do this because they are scared of failing. They would rather not try something new if it means the possibility of failure.
•Pessimism: If your child is sure they will fail at something even before they try it this could be a sign of low self esteem.  Parents may often hear statements like "I am such a looser" or "I always knew I can't do this", from a child suffering from low self esteem.
•Perfection: A fear of failure, tends to lead them to do things to the extent of perfection.
•Dependence: Children with low esteem will be sometimes highly dependent on their parents. Making friends can be difficult for them because they prefer to stay home where they feel comfortable.  Dependence can also show up in a child's lack to make even a small decision without your approval.
•Extreme Boldness: Sometimes, children suffering from low self esteem become extremely bold. To prove to themselves that they are not useless, they will take up something that normal children won't try, like something dangerous or embarrassing. In some cases, children with low self esteem have been found to be very loud and bold, and they are mistaken to be actually very confident, which is not the case.


What can you do as a parent or caregiver if a child you're close to has low self esteem?


The Do's


•Be a good role model. By being positive and happy, you can guide your child towards a fulfilling life.


•Don't compare your kids to each other, every child should be seen as a unique individual with special talents and gifts.


•Be appreciative of whatever small thing that your child has achieved. A pat on the shoulder does wonders that even words cannot achieve.


•Try to convert your child's weakness into some advantage of his, rather than criticizing him. Kids need to know when something they are doing isn't right, but there is a way to direct them to a better path without making them feel bad about themselves.


•Identify with your child's fears. His kiddish fears may be small to you, but they are huge for him and it may be coming in the way of his growth.
•Motivate your child. Not everyone is a born genius, hard work and positivity can work wonders.


•Independence is one totally misunderstood virtue. Parents often claim that they have given their children all the space they need, but sometimes they forget to let them be themselves. The freedom of being yourself is the freedom to breathe. It is totally understandable to teach your kids your principals, but it is equally important to let them have their own set of principles too. Let the child learn from his mistakes, when it is not possible to teach him with yours.


•Take time to learn about your child as an individual. What he is good at, what he does not like, what is bothering him?  This can help you guide him towards his strengths. It can also help him understand that everyone has weaknesses, that doesn't make them a failure.


•Trusting your child is a way to help him gain confidence. Remember that kids are going to make mistakes, but those mistakes are how they learn to survive in the world.


•Let them participate in the important decisions and discussions around the house. This lets them know that what they think is important too.


•Teach the child the importance and meaning of failure. Explain to him what it means to fail, and how he has to get back to the task and try it again. Give him the examples of your life, your failures, and teach him to accept failure with a smile.

The Don'ts


•Avoid being negative when the child is around. Talking negative about him, about yourself, about anything, should be avoided.  Positive thinking should be a priority in you and your child's lives.


•Don't criticize, discuss the problems and come up with solutions rather than nagging and scolding.


•Don't punish offensively. Punishments are required sometimes to convey the rules to a child, but they should be such that they don't hurt their pride.


•Don't be over protective. Let the child make his own decisions. Discuss the pros and cons with him rather than implicating your decisions on the child.

Source: www.buzzle.com