
"I hate my brother"...what to do when your kids aren't the BFFs.
It happens in homes all around the world, kids that parents thought would grow to be best buddies are constantly at each other's throats. The closer your kids are in age, the more likely they'll find something to squabble about. Of course, you can't force your kids to be best friends, but you can teach them skills that will minimize their jealousy and help them appreciate one another.
First of all, you need to expect it. Studies show that one third of adults admit to having less than perfect relationships with their siblings. It's normal and healthy to a certain extent. In fact, it can help your kids better deal with conflicts in the outside world better. Your job is to tune in to your parenting responses. Be honest with yourself. Might you be playing favorites? Are you expecting more from one child? Do you pay attention to each child's hobbies, friends and interests? You never want to compare your kids. Research shows that the top reason for sibling rivalry is when parents compare their kids.
Spend some quality alone time with each child. Set aside blocks of time for each child individually, maybe when the other siblings are gone or another adult is watching them. Taking turns going on special outings can help you connect better with your child.
Part of moving forward is acknowledging when cooperation happens. When you notice your kids resolving issues peacefully, let them know you're proud of their behavior. Positive reinforcement does wonders. It's also your job to stay neutral. Getting involved in the tiff creates sibling rivalry. Let your kids learn to work problems out on their own. Stay committed to teaching your kids good problem solving skills. The old standbys of "rock, paper scissors", drawing straws, tossing a dice and using oven timers to delineate turns are not only good for your sanity, they teach important negotiation skills.