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Poll

Tune-Up Your Relationship

Use these tools to communicate better and deal with conflict in a healthier way.


Tune-Up 1: Multiple-Choice Empathy
Issue: Your partner gives you the silent treatment.
How it works:  This technique involves saying something like "I notice you don't want to talk to me.  Is there something you're upset about?  Are you angry with me?  Perhaps I haven't been a good listener".  Nine times out of ten the other person will open up because you've taken the blame and let him or her off the hook.

Tune-Up 2: Positive Reframing
Issue: Your partner criticizes you.
How it works: You respond to the attack by turning it on its head.  For example, if your husband calls you a control freak, instead of taking the bait, respond with a comment like "You're right, I may have a tendency to be overly controlling".  Use this as an opening for a discussion. 

Tune-Up 3: The One-Minute Drill
Issue:  You both want more intimacy.
How it works:  One person starts as the Talker, the other is the Listener.  The Talker expresses anything on his mind for 30 seconds while you give him your full attention without interrupting, agreeing or disagreeing.  This will help you sharpen your listening skills.  After 30 seconds you summarize what he said and he grade your response from 0 to 100 percent based on how accurate you were.  If the grade is below a 95, he points out what you missed or got wrong and you repeat the exercise until he gives you at least a 95.  Use this technique and your communication will almost immediately improve. 
 

Source: oprah.com